How A Lymie Makes A Salad

The foibles of a Lyme brain, while frustrating, can be downright laughable if you really think about them. In an attempt to channel irritation at my own stupidities into humor, I thought I’d share with you my experience with making a salad yesterday. No, really, you might relate…

I start by going to the refrigerator and taking out a head of spinach, cucumber, cherry tomatoes, and feta cheese. Then I close the fridge and open the drawer in front of me to take out a knife. Oops, wrong drawer. Well, I’ve only lived in this house for five months and the kitchen does have a lot of drawers, doesn’t it? I open another one and find my knife. Then open a cabinet to find a bowl to clean the vegetables in but it seems that my mother has once again rearranged the dishes.
I close the cabinet. Open another. And then another. Where are those bowls??
Open the dishwasher. Aha!
I rinse the vegetables. Attempt to slice the cucumber down the middle and instead tag my thumb. Grab a paper towel but blood flows like the Nile. How can my doc be so sure I have hypercoagulation? Sure doesn’t seem like it.
Manage to find a Band-Aid but decide to cut up the vegetables first, using the other hand and the side of my other hand (whose fist clutches the bloody towel and thumb) while supporting the cucumber with the other. Genius.
Hand taken care of, I open the refrigerator again to remove lemon juice for my dressing. Close the refrigerator and set the juice on the counter. Open the refrigerator and remove the pesto sauce. Close the refrigerator, find the olive oil in the pantry, and take out another knife. Use the knife to scoop out pesto and mix it with my olive oil to pour on my salad.
Open goes the refrigerator again as it’s time for the cherry-flavored Concentrace minerals to mix with my water. I leave it open this time as I fill a water glass and set my salad and glass on the table.
Oh wait. I forgot the avocado. Go to the already open fridge (I’m learning now) remove an avocado and then another knife from the knife-drawer. Cut the avocado and then wonder why I now have three dirty knives on the counter. Why should I wonder? This is Lyme brain at its best!
I remove the pharmacy of supplements from another drawer, set these beside my lunch.
Go to the refrigerator one last time to find my Spirulina.
All done with only seven trips to the refrigerator, three knives, and one bloody thumb, and in just ten minutes flat. Ten minutes, you say? Well, hyperactivity more than makes up for inefficiency, doesn’t it?