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It has grieved me that I haven’t been able to write in my blog as much this year as in previous years. The first year, I posted three times per week to this blog, on average. The second and third years, because I had to dedicate much of my energy to writing two Lyme disease books, I had less time to post here. I have also, for my own healing and sanity, needed to make my life less about Lyme and more about other things, which has left me with less time to post. I don’t know as of yet my plans for this blog for 2010. I may attempt to write shorter, more frequent posts, or I may post longer, more infrequent posts, as I have this year. In any case, I just want to let all of my readers know that I pray for you and your healing every day.
Perhaps I know what some of you are going through. For half a decade, and up until about two years ago, I cried nearly every day because of the fierce anxiety and other symptoms that Lyme and trauma had caused me. Often, those tears were gut-wrenching sobs of despair, as I wondered if life would ever get any better. Five years is a long time to cry, and a little wrinkle under my left eye is the scar that has been left behind by a face that was, for too long, scrunched up in fits of weeping.
But slowly, I have emerged from the tear-fest, which cleansed me not only of the grief over the life that I had lost due to Lyme, but of deeper griefs that had been contained in my soul over a lifetime.
I still have symptoms, but I have healed exponentially, not only physically, but spiritually, and I continue to do so. My bouts of laughter can now compete with my tears for first place in my life, and I can see light at the end of the proverbial tunnel. I don’t believe anymore that my god’s will for me is sickness. God did not desire the body to be created in infirmity, and while He may allow it for a time for some purpose, I believe that ultimately, His desire is for His children to prosper and be well, and that He lights the way for those that trust Him and seek His will for their lives.
I hope that my next book will be a testimony of how God completely and permanently healed me of Lyme disease. In the meantime, I rejoice in the gains that I have made over the years, and in the grief that has been washed away in a rain of tears.
There is light. The journey is long, but I believe that a loving god desires to heal you, if you will only believe and trust Him to show you the way. But believe before you see, because as difficult as that may be, this is, paradoxically, how faith makes manifest things which are not yet visible.